"The" Question

A colleague from my class asked me how I was doing, and I told him.
He was distressed.
He asked me if I was in love with my husband.

I didn't know what to answer.

I don't know what that means anymore.

There is "love" and there is "in love". There is the painful euphoria of "in love".
There is the self-sacrifice of "love".

When you sacrifice your self for "love", all is lost.
"In love" is propelled by the self, who recognizes an other self and finds joy. When your own self is shed for the sake 
of the other, all the reasons for "in love" are lost. You lose the thread. 
You lose the self. 

I don't know what that means anymore.

For all my reading and all my experience, I don't know what that means.